Make A Difference

 Recently I read this at LinkedIn from Leadership First:

"As a leader, you have an incredible opportunity to change someone's life every single day. Leadership is never about tearing people down, it's all about helping people become the very best version of themselves."

There so many resources, podcasts, pages, people and businesses that are constantly promoting self-care, wellbeing, being your best, surviving a toxic environment, etc. When I first started teaching that 'side' of self-care was very silent and yet, it seemed like teachers weren't leaving the business in droves and weren't having issues with work/life balance. Did it exist or were the majority of teachers just good at coping silently? If it wasn't such an issue back then, why is it such a big issue now? Did we do things 'better', did we cover things up, or were the issues different back then to now?

I remember some things one of the first principals I had said, "If you're well enough to get up and call (on the landline), you're well enough to come to school." We didn't have 'wellbeing days', mental health days and rarely took a day off. As I look back to that time, I run through my early days of teaching, analysing if mental health and wellbeing was an issue - if not for me then for others - and although it must have existed, I think it looked different.

It was also a different era of life......

Difference between then and now: (There are many but I'll focus on the main ones!) 

Phones - you were only 'accessible' by phone if you were at home as we had landlines. These days, we have phones with us all the time and as soon as we hear the beep of a message, we pull out our phone and stop to check to read the 'urgent' message, no matter where we are or what we're doing. We 'have to' answer the phone or call the person back. When we had landlines, if we were out, we didn't even know someone had tried calling and especially didn't know who had tried calling!

Emails - non-existent so to communicate with someone about work-related topics, there were 3 choices: 

1. Call them on the phone during business hours (you didn't have their personal landline number. 
2. Make an appointment to go and meet with them - if they lived near you and/or you could drive there or get public transport
3. Mail them - which took a couple days.

Sick Days - if we were sick, we didn't email our lesson plans in although we had our work programs filled out the week before and on our desk. However, a relief teacher would come in, follow our program or even choose to do their own lessons, with a story, art work related etc. It was no big deal if a day didn't go as the classroom teacher had planned.

Colleagues - Generally speaking over my years of teaching, colleagues have become friends and we have done things together and had lots of fun. That can still happen today and with social media we can know what people had for dinner, breakfast, lunch, what they did an hour ago, or in the morning, or on the weekends. The relationships with our colleagues are very important whether they be 30 years ago or today. We need to build relationships of trust and respect and to look for ways to protect and support the wellbeing of our staff.

Got Your Back - When I was a leader at camp, even before I was teaching, one principle I learned and practised was, "No matter what, you don't ever undermine a colleague [fellow leader] to a person in your care or even to another staff member." If you disagreed with something your colleague said or did, you went to them in private and talked it over with them but you never argued or rebuked (humiliated) them in front of others. You didn't gossip about them behind their back because those words said in private, have a way of being heard and getting back to the person. (victim?)

Integrity - Closely following "got your back" is integrity. Being mindful of your colleagues, keeping promises, being consistent with what you say and what you do. It is so important to be trustworthy (worthy of their trust). It is important to me that I can trust my colleagues to have my back and trust them to be respectful behind my back.

Sadly, over the 30 years (or so) of teaching, there have been colleagues who have let me down and I have been hurt. One of my mentor colleagues once suggested I grow a thicker skin but another colleague reassured me that who I am as a person, doesn't mean I need to change because having a 'soft skin' makes me who I am. I've seen the hurt, the destruction and the ruined lives that gossip and rumours can cause and I don't think there's a place for it in the workplace. (Now I will get down off my soapbox)

My friend Karen once said to me, "Instead of tearing down bridges, we need to build bridges". We need to see how we can build bridges to restore relationships and build friendships and/or hope. We have resources that we can use to immediately contact others to build them up. We don't have to wait a few days for it to happen. Look back over the list I have just written and put it in today's scenario.

Phone Call - make the phone call, or text someone to ask them how they are.

Email - send an email of encouragement.

Colleagues - Show respect and kindness.

Got Your Back - Resist the temptation to gossip or undermine someone behind their back

Integrity - Never out-dated!

"As a leader, you have an incredible opportunity to change someone's life every single day. Leadership is never about tearing people down, it's all about helping people become the very best version of themselves."

Whether you are in a leadership role or not, you still have the opportunity to help others become the very best version of themselves. Make a difference. What may seem small and insignificant to you may be a huge blessing to someone else. It starts with us all choosing to build others up.

 

Gossip in the Workplace

 Staffroom gossip is a serious problem in the workplace that nobody wants to admit to being a part of, nor does anyone want to be a victim of. The insidious nature of gossip causes: broken trust, broken relationships, hurt feelings, and an unhealthy workplace environment that inhibits creativity and productivity.

Definition: idle talk or rumour, especially about the personal or private affairs of others. 

Synonyms: hearsay, scandal, slander, chatter, meddling, defamation.

Definition of insidious: operating in an inconspicuous or seemingly harmless way but actually with grave effect.

It would be safe to say that there is nothing good about gossip and the person who likes to indulge, even in a "little bit of gossip", is part of its poison. I make no apology to the person reading this who might be thinking, "that's a bit harsh". If you are able to give me an account of someone who has benefited by gossip in a positive way without anyone getting hurt, then by all means, please let me know.

Why do we listen to gossip? I must admit it feels good when a colleague comes to me and in a conspiratorial whisper, asks, "Do you want to hear a little bit of gossip?" It sounds like they want to include me because they trust me and want me to be part of their group. My first reaction is to say "Yes" because I want to be popular and I want to be liked. One of the first schools I taught at, the principal used to say, "If someone it talking to you about someone else behind their back, you can be sure they're doing the same to you." 

Sometimes I might be listening to a colleague chat and then the conversation turns and I am listening to the faults and problems of another staff member. Gossip is not always clearly labelled especially if you trust the person who is speaking and believe them to be speaking honestly. I must admit though, that when I have listened to gossip, I don't feel good. It is discouraging and unhealthy and can often set up the demise of another person's reputation.

The Bible has very clear instructions on the words that come out of our mouths. I looked up Ephesians 4:29 in a number of versions and have included them here for you:

The Living Bible: Don’t use bad language. Say only what is good and helpful to those you are talking to, and what will give them a blessing.

NIV: Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

NLT: Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.

If you have been a part of gossip and perhaps it's become a habit to join in with others, admit it and take action to remove yourself from gossiping. When someone invites you to join in with them, say "No" and challenge them to "Stop with the goss".  Simply put, step away from the gossip and/or the gossiper. Proverbs 20:19 says, "A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much."

If you are friends with someone who gossips, or begins to gossip with you, call them out on it. Speak the truth to them and encourage them to choose words that build others up and benefits the listener. Having said that, clarify with your friend the purpose of the conversation - is it they need clarification/support in their relationship with the person they are talking about, or is it gossip?

Go to the colleague who has been gossiped about and stand with them. Support and encourage them, understanding they're more than likely feeling alone, betrayed and discouraged. I am not suggesting you go to them and tell them they're being gossiped about, simply go to them and ask them how they're going. Listen to them with genuine kindness.

If you are a victim of gossip, seek help from someone you trust. Depending on your school structure, go to someone in leadership, a chaplain, or HR. Gossip is a form of bullying and should not be tolerated in any school. While some may encourage you to "Don't let it get to you", or "Rise above their gossip", you and I know that's easier said than done. It should be dealt with and the gossipers should be reprimanded. Seek action.

How we speak to one another reflects the culture of our school. If we want to build a positive, supportive environment amongst our students, it begins with the staff. The students see how we treat each other and although they might not know how to articulate it, they often know which staff members are kind to their colleagues and which ones are not. 

So, let everything you say be good and helpful. Use your words to encourage those who hear them and bless others. 

Tip #2 To Thine Own Self Be True

I recently saw a post on a friend's Facebook page entitled, "Stop Gaslighting Yourself" and it included such things as:

"Maybe it's all in my head"   vs   "My experiences are real and valid"

"I shouldn't be upset, I'm sure they didn't mean it"   vs   "Even if they didn't mean it meanly, it still hurt". etc

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that makes you question your beliefs and perception of reality. Over time, this type of manipulation can wear down your self-esteem and self-confidence, leaving you dependent on the person gaslighting you. 

As educators we second guess ourselves often. If you ever watch quiz shows where they have a few seconds to choose either A, B, C or D (all of the above) often the contestant will say things such as "I was going to choose A but then I thought C so I chose B..." Invariably the answer they first thought of was right and the compere of the show reminds them to 'go with your gut'. 

Another thing we might do is compare ourselves to a colleague who seems to have it all under control, judging by their bright and busy classroom and the way the teacher hoverboards from one class to the next. Others of us looking on, paddling furiously beneath the surface, berate ourselves for not being as prepared as we would like to be, or leaving milk out on the kitchen bench at home because we were in too much of a rush to get to work. We notice the piece of border drooping towards the floor and move towards it, only to be distracted by the note a child had left on their desk.

When I was a young mum I read a book called, "The myth of the perfect mother" and the main thing that stuck with me was how we need to be true to ourselves in the way we love and discipline our child. What works for one mum, doesn't necessarily work for another. It also talked about how things can be red light (no-go zone), orange light (like it but it not passionate about it) and green light (could do it all the time if given the choice). The theory behind this is that red lights are those things which we may think 'should' be done but we don't like it. The orange lights are those things we enjoy but too much of it and it becomes a red zone. The green light are those things we could happily do all the time. 

Although it is a simple illustration we need to address the myth of the perfect teacher. In my head, I have a vision of the 'ideal/perfect' teacher and although I could strive to be like her, I'm never going to achieve that standard and it would be like dragging a chalkboard around my neck to do so.  In my head, the perfect teacher looks a bit like Mrs Frizzle of the Magic School Bus and her lessons are always engaging. She is always well prepared and nothing ever goes wrong. Her students soak in everything she says and she never has to 'correct' a child or help them refocus. When she goes home, she leaves her work at her work which is ready for the next day. Do you have a list of attributes you think the perfect teacher would have?

"To thine own self be true." said William Shakespeare. 

1. Make a list of what you really enjoy doing with your students and of your achievements as an educator. 
2. Write some S.M.A.R.T. (Specific. Measurable. Achievable. Relevant. Time-bound) goals for yourself. 
3. Teach the way you know to teach.       

Be confident in who you are. You are the educator and you have the knowledge, experience and the know-how to get you through the maze of teaching. If you need support, ask a colleague and a mentor who you respect, to help you. 

You can do it - that's why you are here.

School Sports Carnivals

The wind blew hard and cold, it's fingers twisting her hair into knots while wrestling her for the papers in her hand. She held on tightly as a young girl ran past calling out, "This wind will be the death of me!" and the teacher smiled. As the students lined up to have their turn in discus, the names were checked off. A volunteer showed one or two how to throw the discus and so the day went on. Well done. Foul. Good shot. Have another go. Measure. You came first. You did your best.

The interschool Athletics Carnival was well organised and staff, students and parents all knew where to be. Students moved from event to event in their groups and it was encouraging to see them cheering their opponents on. The distance run was the final event and students made their way around the oval. Some knew to pace themselves while others started at a sprint, then slowed down giving the 'pacers' first places.

Activities were organised for the junior primary grades such as egg and spoon races, sack races and an obstacle course. At the lunch break, students sat with their friends and with their families. Some utilised the playground equipment. Despite the wind and clouds threatening rain, the weather was otherwise good and everyone completed their events on time. 

As a student, years ago, I was not particularly fond of sports days. We'd all gather together in our house groups and I was in red house, just like my brothers had been. If we weren't in an event, we cheered our team members on from the sidelines and Green house always won the trophy. There was a lot of sitting on the sidelines because you had to be fit and sporty to be allowed to race. 

As a teacher over the years, I have encouraged students to join in and be involved in the different sports offered. Some days were postponed due to wet weather and umbrellas were used on other days, when it was only light showers. Swimming carnivals, cross-country runs and athletics/sports days are great opportunities to build school culture as well as acknowledge the achievements of those who are Olympians-in the making. I have seen teachers "dress-up" in their house colours, with a lot of zest and one school I was at, pushed the head teachers into the pool, fully clothed at the end of the swimming carnival while everyone laughed. It was a lot of fun!

While we acknowledge those students who shine in those environments, it's also important to be aware of the students who are hiding behind the banners, those students who feel they are worthless because they can't swim or run 50 metres and the students who feel embarrassed about their non-athletic ability and/or bodies. 

One boy worked hard all day, competed in every event and cheered others on. Later his brother found him alone, upset that he hadn't received a ribbon. When his teacher heard about this, she grabbed a "Well done" ribbon and gave it to him without anyone else noticing. She complimented him on the effort he had put into the day and how impressed she was with his sportsmanship. The boy looked down at the ribbon that had been placed in his hand and when he looked at the teacher, his face beamed. He said, "Thank you so much. This is the first ribbon I have ever got in my whole life!" 

School sports days. Get involved and have fun. Use them to acknowledge the abilities and strengths of those who can and those who can't.