I recently saw a post on a friend's Facebook page entitled, "Stop Gaslighting Yourself" and it included such things as:
"Maybe it's all in my head" vs "My experiences are real and valid"
"I shouldn't be upset, I'm sure they didn't mean it" vs "Even if they didn't mean it meanly, it still hurt". etc
Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that makes you question your beliefs and perception of reality. Over time, this type of manipulation can wear down your self-esteem and self-confidence, leaving you dependent on the person gaslighting you.
As educators we second guess ourselves often. If you ever watch quiz shows where they have a few seconds to choose either A, B, C or D (all of the above) often the contestant will say things such as "I was going to choose A but then I thought C so I chose B..." Invariably the answer they first thought of was right and the compere of the show reminds them to 'go with your gut'.
Another thing we might do is compare ourselves to a colleague who seems to have it all under control, judging by their bright and busy classroom and the way the teacher hoverboards from one class to the next. Others of us looking on, paddling furiously beneath the surface, berate ourselves for not being as prepared as we would like to be, or leaving milk out on the kitchen bench at home because we were in too much of a rush to get to work. We notice the piece of border drooping towards the floor and move towards it, only to be distracted by the note a child had left on their desk.
When I was a young mum I read a book called, "The myth of the perfect mother" and the main thing that stuck with me was how we need to be true to ourselves in the way we love and discipline our child. What works for one mum, doesn't necessarily work for another. It also talked about how things can be red light (no-go zone), orange light (like it but it not passionate about it) and green light (could do it all the time if given the choice). The theory behind this is that red lights are those things which we may think 'should' be done but we don't like it. The orange lights are those things we enjoy but too much of it and it becomes a red zone. The green light are those things we could happily do all the time.
Although it is a simple illustration we need to address the myth of the perfect teacher. In my head, I have a vision of the 'ideal/perfect' teacher and although I could strive to be like her, I'm never going to achieve that standard and it would be like dragging a chalkboard around my neck to do so. In my head, the perfect teacher looks a bit like Mrs Frizzle of the Magic School Bus and her lessons are always engaging. She is always well prepared and nothing ever goes wrong. Her students soak in everything she says and she never has to 'correct' a child or help them refocus. When she goes home, she leaves her work at her work which is ready for the next day. Do you have a list of attributes you think the perfect teacher would have?
"To thine own self be true." said William Shakespeare.
- Make a list of what you really enjoy doing with your students and of your achievements as an educator.
- Write some S.M.A.R.T. (Specific. Measurable. Achievable. Relevant. Time-bound) goals for yourself.
- Teach the way you know to teach.
Be confident in who you are. You are the educator and you have the knowledge, experience and the know-how to get you through the maze of teaching. If you need support, ask a colleague and a mentor who you respect, to help you.
You can do it - that's why you are here.
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