The teacher-parent relationship is changeable, fluid and unique and can be either volatile, stable or even non-existent. The variables that influence the strength of a positive teacher-parent relationship include the school environment, policies, personalities, prior issues and communication and can sometimes stem directly from the heart of a teacher. When I was at uni and we were discussing this topic, a student-teacher asked, "What do we do if the parent doesn't agree with us and refuses to let us do it the right way?"
That wasn't her exact words but it was certainly the gist of what she believed. Inside I cringed but all of the fresh-faced, young student teachers in that classroom leaned forward expectantly, waiting to hear the words of wisdom about to be imparted by the lecturer. He casually looked around the room, pausing for effect and then sighed and responded that unfortunately that would happen and there was nothing we could do about that. The red-headed student persisted and reframed the question, while the other students nodded in their support for her.
Inside my head, I wondered at the students' audacity. "Who are we to think we have more authority than the parents?" The scenario being discussed wasn't a case of life and death, nor even of best educational practise. From what I remember, it was simply a case of values and even though I wasn't a mother at that time, I doubted that I would have agreed with all the student-teachers in that room on some of their issues and values.
Over the years, there are some things I have learned and experienced about the parent-teacher relationship and one of the most important things I have realised is that you can often tell if a parent is supportive of you, by the child's behaviour and attitude towards you. When teachers and parents communicate with each other and are respectful, kind and friendly, it is more likely the child will feel settled in the classroom and be more confident in their learning. Adversely, a child who is arrogant and disrespectful towards a teacher, is likely reflecting the attitude of his/her parents.
In my first years of teaching, parent-teacher meetings sometimes took the form of a parenting advice session. "How do I get my child to clean up her room?" "How do I get him to do his homework?" "What should I do when my child answers me back?" As I wasn't a parent in my first years of teaching, I sometimes felt that it was best for me to just listen, perhaps answer with, "My parents used to ......." or work through the pros and cons with them when they made a suggestion.
These days, parent-teacher meetings are more about whether a child is meeting the standards of their year level, what steps need to be taken by the teacher to support the student's learning and what the parents can do to help the child complete his/her homework. A positive meeting allows both the parents and teachers to look for ways to encourage the child to achieve their best academic level, develop a positive social-emotional wellbeing and encourage the child to continue growing in their learning.
As teachers, we need to remember that parents need our support and encouragement and they need us to provide their child with a healthy learning environment. When our students become an adult, they might remember one or two of their primary school teachers' names, or remember an incident or two that happened at school. They might remember learning about recycling, First Nations people, multiplication tables and how to write an information report. They might not remember who it was that taught them how to add one quarter and two sixths or which teacher taught them to play the National anthem on the recorder but they will know if school was a safe learning place for them or not.
As much as I hate to admit it, I will be forgotten by some of my students and their parents. Some of those students whose lives I thought I had touched, who I remember the time they had that 'I get it!' look in their eye, who I had spent hours trying to figure out a way to help them understand a math concept and who I had spent time reassuring them that they can read... will forget me! But I will know that I provided a safe learning place for them.
The parents, might remember the names of the teachers who went the extra mile for their child, who looked for ways to encourage the students and who partnered with them (the parents) to find the best way forward for their child's learning. They might remember the mistakes that even the best teachers made. But overall, they will remember the way a teacher made them feel and whether or not they were welcomed into their child's classroom.
It is imperative that teachers respect the parents of their students and show kindness towards them, remembering that long after the teacher has put her books and pens away and walked away from the classroom, the parents and their children will still be parents and their children.
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